funny

It’s official! Naming your child after a breakfast beverage turns him into a total nutball!

Posted on September 17, 2007. Filed under: bizarre news, conservative, entertainment, funny, humor, journalism, liberal, life, media, politics |

So O.J.’s in trouble again, big surprise.  A little older, a little less wiser.  I missed Rush this morning so I wasn’t able to hear his jowly booming tenor but I did manage to read the transcript on the O.J. arrest after surfing over to his website.  I enjoy the confused and irritated glances I get from the regulars at Crema  (my local coffee shop) when I download the Rush Limbaugh website.   I can just image the bewilderment running through these concerned liberal brains, “But she doesn’t look like a conservative lunatic…”  Anyway, I digress.  So the gravy is this.  Rush personally appealed to O.J. and offered his suggestion for a defense by saying that O.J. call it cultural.  It’s a cultural thing, you know, waving guns around at people.   Ha ha,  Rush made a funny.  Actually, I thought it was kinda funny.  Does that make me  a conservative asshole?  Well, I’m not!  Really.

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 2 so far )

“World Have Your Say” tiptoes towards farce

Posted on July 13, 2007. Filed under: BBC, bizarre news, conservative, entertainment, environment, funny, humor, journalism, liberal, life, media, politics, radio, talk radio, writing |

Do you remember way back when you were in college and you were forced to take that stupid senior seminar class in order to graduate? Remember it really didn’t have much point except to force you into class with people you hadn’t seen in four years just to discuss irrelevant politically correct bullshit? Remember that girl from that class who doesn’t ever shut up and she just keeps talking and offering her unending sermon on how the world is just so unfair and how everyone needs a break and how if everyone just spent a month hand feeding starving babies in Uganda like she did last semester that the world would be a better place? Well, in case you’ve forgotten how craptastic that class was tune into the BBC’s “World have your say.” Not every city in the US is graced with this waste of bandwidth-but Portland is! Yeah!

Now why would a respectable news organization like BBC numb my brain with over-excited, comically British hosts discussing the recent cock-fighting ban in Louisiana?! Big world news item, folks. Move over Iraq and Osama-we gots us a big story here! But it’s not just a story, folks. We got Johnny-two-teeth straight outta the bayou and he’s mad as hell that his cocks got done and banned and we got Ronny-do-gooder from the big city who thinks chickens should have equal rights and they’re gonna go at it on international radio and we’re gonna show the world how America’s talking about chickens with knives strapped to their ankles while the rest of the world goes to hell!

Normally I’m immune to conspiracy theories, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out if Hamas had orchestrated this entire broadcast…and liberals wonder why conservatives make fun of them…

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 3 so far )

Michael Savage compares Republicans to a bad Chinese restaurant

Posted on July 5, 2007. Filed under: am radio, conservative, entertainment, funny, humor, liberal, life, media, politics, radio, talk radio, writing |

Even Savage has his quiet days. Even Savage gets tired of being savage-he simply didn’t want to discuss politics. So in between railing against Allen Ginsberg (aka the devil!) and his nostalgia for Italian cooking served by little old Italian ladies in black Savage made the hilarious analogy that Republicans (and Democrats he added later) are like a bad Chinese restaurant where you get overcharged for crappy service-where the quality of the food just keeps going down and the price just keeps going up. Out of habit you keep going back and you want to believe that it’s going to be good but you inevitably end up disappointed. Are humans fundamentally positive or just foolish? Hmmm. I think I’m going to order some take out…

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Mike Savage ponders the preciousness of life and vegetarianism

Posted on June 24, 2007. Filed under: am radio, conservative, entertainment, funny, humor, journalism, liberal, life, media, politics, radio |

Part of the reason I started this blog is my fascination with egoists. What does a fanatic do in his down time? Is he indeed, human? What does he think when a crow lands nearby and pecks at a chestnut with curious resolve? Is he filled with disgust at the bird’s very existence or does he quietly observe the bird’s actions and then proceed to weave the bird’s doings into his own theory of life? Probably both anyway, that’s my quick conclusion. It’s what we all do, right? We are all egoists, to be sure. The people on the airwaves just happen to have a microphone in front of them blasting their often fast, unresolved conclusions onto thousands, sometimes millions of people. We are envious of them, we admire them even when we don’t agree with them because they are doing what we wish we could be doing. They deliver what we want to hear or what we don’t want to hear and then sometimes, in those strange rare moments they sound, oddly, like us. Human.

I must be some kind of genie according to my liberal friends when I listen to am radio and find something good to report. But I do. Often. Even Mike Savage, that rampaging far right hate monger has a soft spot. So the Savage Man himself was on vacation last week and his station recycled an earlier June broadcast of his rampages but I still listened and what I heard was a lonely man contemplating the fact that he does contemplate.

So Mike Savage was pondering the preciousness of life which he oft does and then, oddly he began discussing not eating something that has eyes. He said that it troubled him that he had to eat something that has eyes but you know what, he’ll eat it when it’s scrambled meat in his rigatoni and if he doesn’t see any eyes in it; you know what, he’ll still eat it. As long as he doesn’t see those eyes looking back he’s good to go. Now what does this say about his conscious? Will he eat liberals as long as they’re scrambled and he doesn’t have to look into their visage gaping back at him? My conclusion? A haunted man.

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Dr. Laura defends Angelina and puts bloggers on her evil list…

Posted on June 21, 2007. Filed under: am radio, conservative, entertainment, environment, funny, humor, journalism, liberal, life, media, politics, radio |

 Just one more post on lovely Angelina and then I’m done with her.  So I’ve been listening to Dr. Laura this week while El Rushbo is off playing golf and Mike Savage is having a quiet vacation with the family (he doesn’t believe in adventure vacations by the way–his radio show is adventure enough).  Dr. Laura was very proud of Angelina for fending off Fox and journalists in general last week by making them sign some contract that said she was only going to talk about her movie premier and not about Brad’s morning breath.  The good doctor then went on to praise Jolie for going around and saving babies from a not-so-glamorous life in any given impoverished nation and that she does great work and good for her for sticking it to all us evil bloggers and scum mongers (aka journalists) .  (Or was it scum monkey?)  Apparently Dr. Laura has some “issues” with journalists.  Off topic, but one Vanity Fair reporter allegedly lured her into what she thought was an unbiased piece-turns out there is no such thing…

Now while Dr. Laura praised Angie for being a good mother and making motherhood stylish again she did chastise her a little bit for ahem, “shacking up” with that Brad guy and of course for having kids out of wedlock.  She also doesn’t get what Angie sees in Brad (hey, I agree with her there).

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 2 so far )

Rush compares Paris Hilton to Global Warming

Posted on June 10, 2007. Filed under: entertainment, funny, humor, life, media, politics, radio, writing |

As of last Friday Rush compared the whole Paris Hilton ordeal to global warming in that the “drive by media” insists on feeding us escapist garbage in order to deter “us” from “real” issues.  So if global warming is an escapist endeavor what the hell is golf?  Come on Rush,  can’t you do better than that?

I wasn’t going to comment but I feel obligated.  The spin is doing what here?  A lot, actually.  This is a great move on Rush’s part.  Comparing a celebrity’s wrongdoings with a complex, controversial issue further removes his listeners away from real social problems that they don’t have to deal with.  Well, if I don’t have any say in what happens with Paris Hilton why the hell should I worry about polar bears and hail in July?

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 2 so far )

Who gave Rush Limbaugh a degree in biology?

Posted on May 29, 2007. Filed under: entertainment, funny, humor, life, media, radio, writing |

The global warming issue is the main issue on am radio that makes me a little insane. As an agnostic and a person of science I find the whole matter really, totally a disaster in the making. First, you simply can’t discuss real science on am radio. First and foremost, Rush and the like are entertainers. This is where the average am radio listeners go head first into the bush without survivor skills and the proper equiptment. It’s a little like listening to your drunk uncle tell you that the reason trees are green is because green is God’s favorite color. Ah, where to begin…

I’ve got a lot to offer on this “debate” over global warming but I’m going to start with this. First of all, does is matter? Isn’t it beneficial to the earth to create and maintain sustainable practices? Yes. Second, it’s easier to be in denial. That way you can maintain your status quo without changing anything. Part of understanding these people is understanding their mentality as well as their motives and their funding. Rush loves his green golfcourses and what is more important to him is that the courses stay green. Put yourself in his fat little shoes for a moment. Rush doesn’t believe in global warming because he doesn’t want to-an alcoholic doesn’t want to believe he is an alcoholic because he will have to change not only the lifestyle that he (yes or she) has become accustomed to he will have to make new friends, give up the old, re-evaluate his entire life, and, give up his favorite old friend, booze. Same with Rush. All these guys are united in their denial of global warming because it serves them. Not because it is good for them.

I predict that the past will win and these guys will slowly change their tune. When global warming becomes solid fact and less a partisan issue, when it becomes a fact even for the fattest oil company it’s simply going to be true. Science and politics have always been in conflict and what we are experiencing now is nothing different. Of course, it takes time. The Catholic Church, after all, just recently decided that maybe Galileo was right. The earth, I guess, does in fact revolve around the sun. But isn’t it more fun to surmise that the sun serves us?

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 1 so far )

Rush is Right!

Posted on May 22, 2007. Filed under: entertainment, funny, humor, life, media, radio, writing |

Before you gasp and curse fellow progressives just take a deep breath and listen to me for a second. Rush nearly gives himself a stroke every day complaining that dems and lefties don’t listen to his show and therefore are misinformed. Well, he is right on that front.

It gets easier and easier to let other people do work for you. I’ll bet most of you have let your husband or wife read the voter’s pamphlet and put a neat little star next to the candidates that he or she feels is the appropriate one and let me guess-you filled in those cute little bubbles without reading any of the ballot measures knowing full well that your honey made good choices. Now let me ask you this question. Are you really of the same mind? Did you experience the Vulcan mind meld when you exchanged vows? Is it really okay to let other people think for you even if you feel that you are on the same side? Well, your answer ought to be no. But I’m not going to tell you what you should say. You should make up your own mind.

Rush challenges liberals every day to tune into his show and I encourage you to actually go ahead and turn the knob from the safety of the soothing liberal voices of NPR to the dark and despairing depths of AM and hear for yourself what your devil is saying straight from his mouth without any left or right watchdogs filtering for you. It would save us a lot of time if you just knew what was going on. Let me ask you this? Do you know how the whole Magic Negro controversy got started? I bet you didn’t know a black journalist for the LA Times started this whole business. Check it out. Do you own research. Fire some neurons that haven’t been sparked in years.

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Dr. Laura Fantasizes about Bruce Willis

Posted on May 1, 2007. Filed under: entertainment, funny, humor, life, media, radio, writing |

This little knowledge gem may never get back to the former well-haired stud of Moonlighting fame but it sure as heck should. This super juicy tidbit came up after Dr. Laura encouraged, as she oft does, one of her loyal females listeners to immediately disrobe and “jump” her husband’s bones instead of continuing to argue with him. Per usual, Dr. Laura asks said frustrated housewife if she owns a teddy instead of continuing the discussion. Housewife offers a hesitant yes and Dr. Laura demands that instead of arguing to just put on your pretty teddy, light some candles-whatever it takes to get in the mood-and “jump his bones.” While interesting, this is Dr. Laura’s advice for many-not all-arguments between husband and wife and the best part comes next. Dr. Laura insists that the reluctant listener fantasize about a celebrity. When the listener insists that this is not something she does and not something she’s really into the intimidated listener eventually gives in and says she’ll try and think of someone! (I offer Johnny Depp and hunk-o-manliness Viggo Mortenson) Dr. Laura cackles some and then gets that low guilty tone in her voice admitting to millions of people that her personal fantasy man is indeed the Lethal Weapon himself, Bruce Willis. Does Dr. Laura know something the rest of us don’t? How lethal is that weapon anyway?

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

The smartest people in our country don’t listen to AM radio…

Posted on May 1, 2007. Filed under: entertainment, funny, humor, life, media, radio, writing |

The Rush Limbaugh’s and the Mike Savage’s that dominate almost all of AM radio are heard by millions of people every day but you probably don’t listen, right?  That’s where I come in.  I’ve decided to turn my wierd fascination with these charismatic blowhards into a blog.  So if you can’t stand listening but you want to know what the fat man with the cigar is spitting into his microphone at the top of the hour just tune in here and I’ll provide you with the juicy juice!

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Liked it here?
Why not try sites on the blogroll...