humor

Global Warming is making my eggs hatch faster

Posted on September 24, 2007. Filed under: conservative, humor, liberal, media, politics, talk radio |

I’m having one of those generic, bland, dull days listening to conservative talk radio.  I’m not laughing, I’m not crying, I’m not angry, I’m not even slightly peeved.  Frankly, I’m just kind of bored and at a loss about the whole global warming denial syndrome, or GWDS.  Rush is especially deft at denial.  I know, he’s just a big old windbag and I’m sure in his heart of hearts late at night during the witching hour when all is quiet on his Palm Beach estate he wonders if indeed, his butter is melting on his toast at a faster rate than years past.  But even if he does have his doubts he can’t express this.  He has decided that global warming is not science.  It is liberal propaganda concocted by the likes of Al Gore and George Soros to further their careers and keep us terrified with liberal fear mongering. (That is what he says, not me).  Sigh.  Maybe it’s time for me to switch gears.  I’ve been tuning into Mike Savage and Rush because it’s convenient for me during the day, but you know what?  I haven’t been doing my homework and that is probably why I’m bored.  Maybe I need to set my sights on the old Leprechan, Bill O’Reily.  I’ll have to wake up earlier though and that could be a problem.

Any requests?

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It’s official! Naming your child after a breakfast beverage turns him into a total nutball!

Posted on September 17, 2007. Filed under: bizarre news, conservative, entertainment, funny, humor, journalism, liberal, life, media, politics |

So O.J.’s in trouble again, big surprise.  A little older, a little less wiser.  I missed Rush this morning so I wasn’t able to hear his jowly booming tenor but I did manage to read the transcript on the O.J. arrest after surfing over to his website.  I enjoy the confused and irritated glances I get from the regulars at Crema  (my local coffee shop) when I download the Rush Limbaugh website.   I can just image the bewilderment running through these concerned liberal brains, “But she doesn’t look like a conservative lunatic…”  Anyway, I digress.  So the gravy is this.  Rush personally appealed to O.J. and offered his suggestion for a defense by saying that O.J. call it cultural.  It’s a cultural thing, you know, waving guns around at people.   Ha ha,  Rush made a funny.  Actually, I thought it was kinda funny.  Does that make me  a conservative asshole?  Well, I’m not!  Really.

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Mike Savage and Ralph Nader…Batman and Robin?

Posted on September 13, 2007. Filed under: bizarre news, conservative, entertainment, humor, liberal, life, media, politics |

Yesterday I tuned into the Savage Nation after taking the rest of the summer off from my little blog project here only to hear Mike Savage politely introducing Ralph Nader with respect and humility and I have to say I was pretty blown away. Has our political environment become so polarized that the extreme left and the extreme right are now close enough to hold hands?

It’s interesting to note that Nader was on the Savage Nation promoting his new memoir and not necessarily invited to discuss politics although they did talk a little about how they agreed that having Mexican trucking companies gaining access to U.S. highways is a bad idea. They also briefly commiserated on the fact that a third party is distinctly lacking from American politics. None of this was a surprise to me knowing Savage’s libertarian leanings and Nader’s Green Party affiliation (which Savage admitting having “problems” with in an uncharacteristically non-confrontational manner for a man who regular uses the term “verminous liberal scum”).

Being a person who enjoys all things strange this broadcast was truly bizarre for several reasons. First, why was Nader on the show in the first place? Can you think of any Nader supporter that regularly listens to the Savage Nation? Can you think of any Savage listener that takes Nader seriously? What made Savage hold back any critique of Nader and his left-wing politics? Not only was he just super nice to the old bachelor he praised his efforts in consumer rights and for being a man of integrity. And what about Ralph? Does he know who Mike Savage is? Does he know that his millions of listeners deplore all things liberal? Are these two men just dedicated to self-promotion to the extent that they can put aside their political differences just to get themselves heard? Or is something weirder going on? Has corporate America made everyone so sick that even mortal enemies can come together in order to spear the beast? Stranger things have happened for sure.

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“World Have Your Say” tiptoes towards farce

Posted on July 13, 2007. Filed under: BBC, bizarre news, conservative, entertainment, environment, funny, humor, journalism, liberal, life, media, politics, radio, talk radio, writing |

Do you remember way back when you were in college and you were forced to take that stupid senior seminar class in order to graduate? Remember it really didn’t have much point except to force you into class with people you hadn’t seen in four years just to discuss irrelevant politically correct bullshit? Remember that girl from that class who doesn’t ever shut up and she just keeps talking and offering her unending sermon on how the world is just so unfair and how everyone needs a break and how if everyone just spent a month hand feeding starving babies in Uganda like she did last semester that the world would be a better place? Well, in case you’ve forgotten how craptastic that class was tune into the BBC’s “World have your say.” Not every city in the US is graced with this waste of bandwidth-but Portland is! Yeah!

Now why would a respectable news organization like BBC numb my brain with over-excited, comically British hosts discussing the recent cock-fighting ban in Louisiana?! Big world news item, folks. Move over Iraq and Osama-we gots us a big story here! But it’s not just a story, folks. We got Johnny-two-teeth straight outta the bayou and he’s mad as hell that his cocks got done and banned and we got Ronny-do-gooder from the big city who thinks chickens should have equal rights and they’re gonna go at it on international radio and we’re gonna show the world how America’s talking about chickens with knives strapped to their ankles while the rest of the world goes to hell!

Normally I’m immune to conspiracy theories, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out if Hamas had orchestrated this entire broadcast…and liberals wonder why conservatives make fun of them…

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Michael Savage compares Republicans to a bad Chinese restaurant

Posted on July 5, 2007. Filed under: am radio, conservative, entertainment, funny, humor, liberal, life, media, politics, radio, talk radio, writing |

Even Savage has his quiet days. Even Savage gets tired of being savage-he simply didn’t want to discuss politics. So in between railing against Allen Ginsberg (aka the devil!) and his nostalgia for Italian cooking served by little old Italian ladies in black Savage made the hilarious analogy that Republicans (and Democrats he added later) are like a bad Chinese restaurant where you get overcharged for crappy service-where the quality of the food just keeps going down and the price just keeps going up. Out of habit you keep going back and you want to believe that it’s going to be good but you inevitably end up disappointed. Are humans fundamentally positive or just foolish? Hmmm. I think I’m going to order some take out…

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Mike Savage ponders the preciousness of life and vegetarianism

Posted on June 24, 2007. Filed under: am radio, conservative, entertainment, funny, humor, journalism, liberal, life, media, politics, radio |

Part of the reason I started this blog is my fascination with egoists. What does a fanatic do in his down time? Is he indeed, human? What does he think when a crow lands nearby and pecks at a chestnut with curious resolve? Is he filled with disgust at the bird’s very existence or does he quietly observe the bird’s actions and then proceed to weave the bird’s doings into his own theory of life? Probably both anyway, that’s my quick conclusion. It’s what we all do, right? We are all egoists, to be sure. The people on the airwaves just happen to have a microphone in front of them blasting their often fast, unresolved conclusions onto thousands, sometimes millions of people. We are envious of them, we admire them even when we don’t agree with them because they are doing what we wish we could be doing. They deliver what we want to hear or what we don’t want to hear and then sometimes, in those strange rare moments they sound, oddly, like us. Human.

I must be some kind of genie according to my liberal friends when I listen to am radio and find something good to report. But I do. Often. Even Mike Savage, that rampaging far right hate monger has a soft spot. So the Savage Man himself was on vacation last week and his station recycled an earlier June broadcast of his rampages but I still listened and what I heard was a lonely man contemplating the fact that he does contemplate.

So Mike Savage was pondering the preciousness of life which he oft does and then, oddly he began discussing not eating something that has eyes. He said that it troubled him that he had to eat something that has eyes but you know what, he’ll eat it when it’s scrambled meat in his rigatoni and if he doesn’t see any eyes in it; you know what, he’ll still eat it. As long as he doesn’t see those eyes looking back he’s good to go. Now what does this say about his conscious? Will he eat liberals as long as they’re scrambled and he doesn’t have to look into their visage gaping back at him? My conclusion? A haunted man.

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Dr. Laura defends Angelina and puts bloggers on her evil list…

Posted on June 21, 2007. Filed under: am radio, conservative, entertainment, environment, funny, humor, journalism, liberal, life, media, politics, radio |

 Just one more post on lovely Angelina and then I’m done with her.  So I’ve been listening to Dr. Laura this week while El Rushbo is off playing golf and Mike Savage is having a quiet vacation with the family (he doesn’t believe in adventure vacations by the way–his radio show is adventure enough).  Dr. Laura was very proud of Angelina for fending off Fox and journalists in general last week by making them sign some contract that said she was only going to talk about her movie premier and not about Brad’s morning breath.  The good doctor then went on to praise Jolie for going around and saving babies from a not-so-glamorous life in any given impoverished nation and that she does great work and good for her for sticking it to all us evil bloggers and scum mongers (aka journalists) .  (Or was it scum monkey?)  Apparently Dr. Laura has some “issues” with journalists.  Off topic, but one Vanity Fair reporter allegedly lured her into what she thought was an unbiased piece-turns out there is no such thing…

Now while Dr. Laura praised Angie for being a good mother and making motherhood stylish again she did chastise her a little bit for ahem, “shacking up” with that Brad guy and of course for having kids out of wedlock.  She also doesn’t get what Angie sees in Brad (hey, I agree with her there).

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Hats off to Mick Gregory, but…and I do have a big but

Posted on June 13, 2007. Filed under: am radio, conservative, entertainment, humor, journalism, liberal, life, media, politics, writing |

I’m really excited about what the internet has done for writers.  But here’s my beef.  So we get all this great information and all this online readership (none of which I have, I’m a newbie, forgive, we all get started somewhere, right?) but what about people like our parents who are used to getting news from one, two, maybe three sources that provide lots of info from many different people.  How do we appeal to this crowd?  Should we?  We all have these great blogs but there is no big forum.  What exactly is the new journalism?  Most people aren’t journalists, aren’t writers.  They want their news packaged and delivered on their doorstep.  This doesn’t make them bad people, this is most of America.  These are the folks that tune in for a few minutes and want to make a decision based on our research.  I think citizen journalism is the new order for writers and muckrakers but our we speaking to the choir?  What about the people that aren’t online, that have a voice but they’re still reading the local newspapers?  Is it our obligation as information detectives to deliver something to them in a complete package?

Is too much information going to be our problem as online writers?

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Do you let the media think for you?

Posted on June 13, 2007. Filed under: am radio, conservative, humor, liberal, life, media, politics, radio, writing |

I remember listening to left wing local radio in the nineties here in Portland and one of the big knee jerk liberal complaints back then (still is to a certain degree) is that the media is right wing and the official voice of Rupert Murdoch and like minded conservatives who had a stake in media.  But according to many conservative talking heads the media is owned by rich liberals.  Do I live in a parallel universe or what?  Has it always been this way?  Isn’t the media an entity of its own, a business, an animal interested in its own self-preservation?  Or is it simply the blame game?  If you don’t like what you hear it’s time to point fingers and say BAD NEWS  you must belong to the other team.   Personally, I’m a little tired of this finger pointing.  Of course media is biased.  There is no thing as true journalism.  Journalists are some of the most opinionated people in the universe.  Why else get involved in the arena?  Of course media is slanted.  That’s why we live in a free country where you can-like me-switch back and forth between 620 and talk am radio, read the newspaper, research online, talk to your friends and neighbors, and eegads, come to your own damn conclusion!  Anyone ever hear about thinking for yourself?  Are we that lazy that we have to let other people do the thinking for us?  What, you graduate from college, decide what side your on and that’s the end of listening to other opinions!

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Rush insists conservatives don’t want to control you.

Posted on June 12, 2007. Filed under: entertainment, environment, humor, life, media, politics, radio, writing |

Today our favorite fat man was annoyed that the British government is trying to promote vegetarianism as a means to fight global warming and promote health.  And true to form Rush linked vegetarianism immediately to big government and, you guessed it to liberalism.  According to Rush liberals want to control you more than conservatives via big government.  Something strange was missing in the argument.  Like amendments against gay rights and laws making abortion illegal.  Sure, conservatives don’t want to control what you do.  As long as you adhere to their standards of morality you can do whatever you want…

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